The Johnstons

I ended my last post kind of quickly.  When laying it all out for everyone and rereading the words, it was hard.  It being the realization of everything that had happened in the past 3 weeks, from the pain of losing our baby, to the pain of seeing the hurt in our families and friends eyes.  We've been to hell and back in a hand basket, as our story does not end here.  However, that is for another post.

I want to say thank you soooooo much to everyone who has commented on our story, e-mailed me or sent me a facebook message.  I can't even begin to tell you just how much your support and love means to us.  Your kind words have been just what I needed to help remind me that we made the best decision we could.  So again, I thank you and hope you know that you are a huge part in my healing process.  Blogging has proven to be the most amazing outlet through the good and bad.

Along with all of you, both Ryan and I come from loving, generous, supportive and devoted families.  We haven't been alone for one step of the way.  Our parents, brothers and sisters are the reason that we are still standing after all that we have endured.  Our extended family have all reached out to us as well and proven that family is the glue that holds us all together.  Friends, my goodness, if I had a dollar for all of the people who were there just waiting for us to talk if we needed to I would be rich.  All of that being said, we are doing well.  It has been three weeks today since we lost Lauryn but given the circumstances we knew the decision was best and we have accepted all that has happened and are mourning the loss, but at the same time we are still living.  Ryan and I make sure that we talk about how we are feeling often, we've made a promise to each other that if either of us begins to feel that things are too much that we will tell each other and seek help if need be.  Thankfully we have had a busy three weeks with Cole's birthday (3 years old on December 28th!!!), Christmas, New Years, back to work and potty training (yes you read that right and it's going so AMAZING!) and that has all kept us moving and living life.

Ryan and I are on the same page and this has made us stronger as a couple.  We made all decisions together after much discussion, we have helped one another up when either of us faltered, we held each other during the toughest, darkest moments.  We have been together through out everything and I never knew just how close we could become.  The term husband can mean so many things and it is forever-changing, growing.  This man who is my partner in life, my best friend, the father of my children, a rock to hold me up when I'm not strong, among so many other things, makes the term husband seems so ordinary for such an extraordinary person.  For those of you who know Ryan know that he is a kind, gentle man.  A good person, a great husband and an amazing father.  He's by no means perfect, but he is my husband and he's perfect for me.

Again, thank you all so much for your support and for letting us share our story, your kind words have helped ease the pain more than you know.

As mentioned above, there is more to our story over the past three weeks.  Please keep our family in your thoughts as we are all dealing with something other than losing Lauryn and all the prayers and thoughts are appreciated and much needed.